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Film Appreciation... Horror Film Survival Guide
 

 

20. Never turn your back to the window.
19. If you drop something, don't go back for it.
18. When the phone lines go dead, go someplace else.
17. Don't make career choices that require you to dig up bones of mysterious demon worshipping tribes. And don't bury your pets in similar gravesites.
16. If you're the only person checked into a motel off the main road, you might wait for the next Motel
15. Don't read passages from evil-looking books bound in human flesh, unless you're absolutely sure you're not resurrecting evil demons. Even then, you might want to avoid it.
14. Don't wear chiffon and heels in the jungle.
13. Taxidermy is not the hobby of normal psychologically well-balanced people.
12. That "odd noise" is never the wind.
11. When you shut down the fences in the genetically engineered theme park, don't get out of your jeep and taunt the animals.
10. If you absolutely must get out of your jeep when poison spitting dinosaurs are around, lock the doors so they don't ride along.
9. While searching for the mysterious noise that wasn't the wind, if you discover the noise was the cat, run away. Very fast.
8. Close the beach. 'Nuff said.
7. Always run toward civilization. (Preferably a McGruff house.)
6. If you aren't Bruce Campbell, and he has a bigger role than you do, you're toast.
5. If you are Bruce Campbell, and you aren't the lead, you're toast.
4. Always have at least one of the following: Holy water, crucifix, mirror, chemistry book, chainsaw, silver bullets, wooden stake, Bible, torches, virginity, and a full tank of gas.
3. Get the sacred words right! (It's Nikto, dangit!)
2. Guys with Hockey masks? Bad.

And the number one way to survive in a Horror film...
1. Start killing people. If you are the killer, you'll at least live till the end, and you might get resurrected for the sequel.

Compiled by Jeff Class, Sean Henry, and the NKCHS Film Appreciation classes.

1999 Debbie Twyman. All rights reserved. TERMS OF USE